...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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