She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
