you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
