it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
my being single is dangerous.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize