Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
