Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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