I will die if light touches me.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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