I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
