Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
