I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
