and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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