just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
