Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
