so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
The beer is more important than you right now.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Randomize
