office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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