new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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