As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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