I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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