I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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