I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
