If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
