Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
