so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
