I showed him my bush... on skype.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
