We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
