During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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