Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
