I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
As shirtless as possible
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
