Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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