He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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