I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
