i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Randomize
