So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
