The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I am naked and annoyed.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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