I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
