Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
