For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
