why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
