a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
a search helicopter?!
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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