it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
