I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
