Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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