My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
