Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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