You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
