she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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