A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
