Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
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I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
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I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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