The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Someone signed my nipple.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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