All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
