I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
