he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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