While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
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i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
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I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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