Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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