Someone shit on the floor
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
