I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
