thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize
