And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
