Pants 0. Shit 1.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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