i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
