I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
