I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
