I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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