well I can't set my house on fire every night
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
