I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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