The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
