Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
