Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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