I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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