ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
