Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
