the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Do you remember whose house we're in?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
