am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
