You can't special order awesome
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
