the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
