This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
