that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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