I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
In America we eat man semen.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
