his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
that may or may not have been my penis.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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